stories from above

I have two new plane issues that I haven't voiced before:

1) My plane is currently sitting on the tarmac waiting for the gate to clear so we can de-board. We've been sitting here for 10 mins so far and a guy got up to use the restroom and the steward man told him he had to sit down because the plane could move at any moment. The steward then made the same announcement over the intercom. What's the risk here? Am I missing something because I could have sworn that I made several trips to the lav while the plane was going 500 mph and this guy is worried that the plane might move a little? Typical FAA inconsistencies that slow us down and piss us off.


2) The safety video in the beginning of the flight showed us where to find and how to put on the yellow life vest should we make a water landing. The video then went into detail on how to put it on and how to inflate it by pulling the red tabs down and away. And then if for some slim chance the tabs don't work you can self inflate it by blowing in the air tub. Are they fukcing joking? "Slim chance"?? How about the slim chance of even being able to think about inflating the life vest? I'm surprised they don't tell you how to ward off the attacking sharks should you land in shark infested waters. Trust me if my red tabs don't work I'm sure someone sitting near me will have perfectly functioning tabs and hey, it's every man for themselves.