Sully the Hero Pilot

This whole thing with Captain Sully has gotten way out of hand. The other day someone overheard me say that Sully is not my hero and before everyone goes on the attack let me clarify where I stand on this subject that shouldn't even be a subject.

Fact 1: Captain Sully flew a plane into a flock of birds and crashed into the Hudson River. So far there's nothing heroic here. There are plenty of pilots who have flown thousands of flights and not once crashed. Given the choice I'd choose to fly with one of those pilots with a clean track record.

Fact 2: All 154 people on the plan survived. Now that's pretty awesome. Apparently this Sully guy walked up and down the aisles of the plane and made sure every passenger got safely out onto the wings. Now that's a heroic act.

Ok here's where I take a different approach. If I'm ever going to be on a plane that crashes I want this Sully on my flight because he's a team player that's going to unselfishly help others survive. BUT let's be clear, I don't want him in the cockpit flying the plane with his track record. In my perfect World Sully is a flight attendant and one of those pilots who has never hit birds and never crashed is flying.

"Sully the Hero Flight Attendant"

Stuff

2-in-1 isn't always a good thing

I'm flying British Airways and I just used the lav and I know it's hard to believe but I didn't want to wash my hands.

Their soap is called Freshorize and it's one of those 2-in-1 products. It's hand soap AND an air freshener in one. Now there are a lot of 2-in-1's that I like or at least they're clever. This phone is a good example, actually it's a 3-in-1, phone, pda, and camera. We as a society love our X-in-1 products. It makes you feel like you're getting more for your money, more value. And after all we're a value society. But sometimes these things go too far. Who wants to wash their hands with air freshner? What genius invented this product? What an ass. Probably sitting at home thinking he solved one of the worlds problems by combining two bathroom products into one. Hey buddy what about the toilet-bowl-cleaner/toothbrush combo? Bet you didn't think of that one.

Did Swiss Army start this whole thing with their knives?

So what's your favorite 2-in-1?

what NOT to buy with a fraudulent credit card

Yesterday a friend and I were buying tickets for an upcoming concert and when we paid with our credit card they asked for our ID.

First, I'm pretty much always insulted when anyone asks to see my ID. "Do I look like I'd steal a credit card? Don't you think I'd spend the $50 and get a fake ID to match? And don't you think I'd buy a little more than a bottle of water and some gum? Let me see your ID! How do I know you work here?" And that usually results in them refusing to sell me anything which is fine by me.

But since we can't expect store sales people to be good judges of character we ask them to check everyone's idea no matter what, fine. However not all purchases are the same and some should require an I'd and some should not. Which brings me to my tips on what NOT to buy with a fraudulent credit card:

1) Don't buy something online and have the products shipped to your house.

2) Don't buy plane tickets, sports event tickets, concert tickets or any "tickets" for that matter.

3) Don't pay your bills with this card.

When purchasing any of the above they should not need to ask for your ID, actually if they want to increase the odds of catching fraudulent card users they should definitely not ask for an ID. If you need to ask yourself why this is then just save yourself any inconveniences and don't use that card.

I hope this was instructional.

may I help you with anything else?

No!!

How many times have you spent 15-20 minutes on the phone with a customer service representative and your issue has not been resolved? Happens all the time and that is to be expected because in general customer service sucks. But what really annoys the shit out of me is when after all that time with no resolution the rep comes back on the line and says "and is there anything else I can help you with today?" as if they tackled your last issue and are ready for the next one. "Back up cowboy!! This is like school, you need to pass first grade in order to move to second." We are tired of talking to robots who just read the text in front of them no matter what the situation. If you cannot solve my first issue, apologize, and admit that your customer service sucks and tell me to have a nice day anyway.

time is relative

Last week when I was on the plane and asked the flight attendant what time it was she responded with "6:26pm at our destination". I was impressed with her precision.

Today at 12:43pm in Santa Monica CA a homeless man asked me for the time and I responded with "one o'clock". Was he impressed with my precision? Maybe I should have said "lunch time" but that could be rude because it implies eating.

Thought provoking less the none.

stories from above

I have two new plane issues that I haven't voiced before:

1) My plane is currently sitting on the tarmac waiting for the gate to clear so we can de-board. We've been sitting here for 10 mins so far and a guy got up to use the restroom and the steward man told him he had to sit down because the plane could move at any moment. The steward then made the same announcement over the intercom. What's the risk here? Am I missing something because I could have sworn that I made several trips to the lav while the plane was going 500 mph and this guy is worried that the plane might move a little? Typical FAA inconsistencies that slow us down and piss us off.


2) The safety video in the beginning of the flight showed us where to find and how to put on the yellow life vest should we make a water landing. The video then went into detail on how to put it on and how to inflate it by pulling the red tabs down and away. And then if for some slim chance the tabs don't work you can self inflate it by blowing in the air tub. Are they fukcing joking? "Slim chance"?? How about the slim chance of even being able to think about inflating the life vest? I'm surprised they don't tell you how to ward off the attacking sharks should you land in shark infested waters. Trust me if my red tabs don't work I'm sure someone sitting near me will have perfectly functioning tabs and hey, it's every man for themselves.